Beyond the f**king Rave, Eps 1-8

OK, I got a confession to make: I am no longer viewing the new episodes of Beyond the Rave as they come out. Instead I will every once in a while watch them in batches. I just can't muster enough enthusiasm about it. In actual fact I can't even muster the enthusiasm for a regular write up about this production. I guess with this film I will simply pretend it never happened and turn into one of those guys who insist that the Alien movies are still a trilogy and ignore everything that came after Alien 3 or the Dario Argento fans who would go on describing the Mother movies as an unfinished trilogy. I am perfectly OK in erasing my memory of this abomination and purposely not include it in my list of Hammer productions.

I was glad to see that Miles from the Hammer Yahoo group produced a fantastic review of the episodes so far and allowed me to publish them here. Saves me the trouble of having to do it. I think he is very much spot on.

Well I decided to watch all eight episodes together (1-8) to see how the movie's working so far. I watched them in HD last night. Though my initial opinion of the episodes 1-5 was very critical I thought I'd keep watching, since it was a new Hammer production. And after sitting through roughly 24 minutes of "Beyond the Rave" I found I disliked it even more.

I have 2 primary issues with it:

ISSUE 1. There's no character development. At all. And therefore no characters to draw you into the story. 24 minutes in, and I still couldn't care less about anyone.

ISSUE 2. The words inbetween the f**king expletives are pure f**king filler. They're not f**king funny, not f**king clever. It's so f**king bad I almost f**king thought the f**king actors were f**king improvising all their f**king dialogue. I f**king pray to f**king god they were f**king improvising. The f**king dialogue is so f**king aimlessly pointless that I'd have f**king preferred it if they'd f**king just f**king replaced the f**king script with a f**king barrage of f**king "f**ks" and f**king "c**ts". And at f**king times the f**king production moved perilously f**king close to doing just that - you sure can't f**king destroy great f**king dialogue if it 'aint f**king there in the f**king first place.

And by f**king "great" I f**king mean f**king dialogue that's f**king worth f**king listening to.

The heavy f**king expletives (instead of adding f**king character, f**king color and f**king humor to great f**king dialogue) seem here to f**king try and f**king hide (and ultimately f**king highlight) a deficient f**king script.
:)

So overall - okay it's free and easy to watch - and (this isn't saying much) is a lot better than most Youtube-ish webisodes out there. At least it has higher production values than your average "Kitten playing piano" clip. So on that level it is sort of entertaining. But for me not entertaining enough to continue watching.

Even when it is free.

So for entertainment value it's back to f**king piano playing f**king kittens for me.

Is it revealing that this group's comments on the film have declined in numbers as each successive episode is posted? I mean, if this weren't the train wreck it is, wouldn't we'd be joyously discussing it (the first Hammer horror feature in over 30 years) constantly, instead of pretending it didn't exist? Just a f**king thought.

Miles

PS

For those who are interested:
f**ks - refers to the word FALKS
f**king - refers to the word FALKING (detecting through use of raincoat and cigar)
c**ts - refers to the word CANTS (to narrate a stop-motion children's TV show about idyllic village life)

Just wanted to make sure no-one misunderstood.

Miles also made an interesting point about the music used in this production:

Music in "Beyond the Rave."

As I've mentioned before, hats off to the (brief, but obvious) James Bernard homage during the opening scenes of episode 1. Nice touch.

And I liked the Simonetti-Morante-Pignatelli (aka Goblin) "Tenebre" sampled/homage at the start of episode 8. Great dance track. And it's nice to have a Dario Argento connection (though a Hammer one would have been obviously preferable).

If only I had the patience to watch further episodes I'm sure I'd discover a few more musical nuggets along the way. But I've pretty much given up on the film.

In fact at 24 minutes in, I've given it more time than I would a rental DVD.

But if they ever release a CD of the soundtrack, I may buy it (as long as it doesn't bring back too many bad memories).

Thanks a million, Miles!!!